BY: JAI MICAH Feb. 14, 2023
I used to hate Valentine’s Day in the most cliche way possible. Not that I hated love, but I hated the feeling of missing out, the feeling of being “last picked”, or “second option."
It took me all of 22 years, including 2 healing years, to realize it’s not about what others can do for me, but what can I do for myself to feel loved. How would someone know to bring the best if I'm not doing it or feeling it for myself?
Around big holidays when people express their love for each other, I notice I get very anxious. This morning, I had a severe meltdown. I don't even know what for, but I knew I was just overwhelmed with everything around me. All I could do was call my mom, turn off my phone, shower and go back to sleep. Even the most mundane tasks, made the symptoms subside.
Knowing I was going into this Valentine's Day without a Valentine, I knew my plans would surround my friends. Because, they deserve the love too! All I wanted to do was lie in my bed and sleep. I think often times, we forget that we aren't alone in what feels like our loneliest moments. I know my pride is too large and I'm actively working to get through that. I got to talk through my issue with my girls and the understanding and compassion was there. The comfort was undeniably thick. The love was absolutely felt and hearing the advice I give being spoken back to me, made it seem so much easier to deal with.
I'm saying this to say, Valentine's Day romance isn't just about going on dates, getting flowers and chocolate. It really concerns the relationships that keep you grounded and afloat. You do not have to encounter anything alone out of fear that you wouldn't be understood.
Happy Valentine's Day!
With love,
Jai Micah
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